Resolving the banana issue

As a small person, aged about 5 or so, I had a playground accident that left me with a serious aversion to eating bananas the normal way.

We had one of those play frames that had a slide, a swing and some other bits and pieces contained in it. I quite liked sitting backwards at the top of the slide, with my legs resting on the rungs of the ladder, gazing at the tall sky-scraping poplar trees that lined our back fence and contemplating the kind of things that five year olds do; were there enough spangles on my dance concert tutu? How did my Barbie dolls feel when I had finished playing with them and stuck them in a dark, airtight container? Did my neighbour notice that I wasn't actually listening to his battle strategies, but leafing discreetly through a nice Disney princess story instead? It was a nice place to chill.

One life-changing day, I sat in this happy place eating a banana and swinging my legs. The heels of my shoes were bouncing off the rungs. Swing-bounce, swing-bounce, swing-crash. My feet tangled in the rungs, and my body tipped forward until my forehead rather painfully connected with the bottom rung. Since then, bananas eaten the regular way bring back a disconcerting sense of concussion. I can eat them sliced on my breakfast, blended in a smoothie, mashed into baked goods, but just not whole.

A little embarrassed by not having grown out of this odd borderline phobia almost twenty years on, I hadn't shared this anecdote with my boyfriend, who buys a bunch of bananas every week. They start their life in our fruit bowl with a lovely waxy yellow skin. A couple of days later they are streaked brown and black. A few days on again, and the kitchen smells entirely of banana. Any longer and fruit flies start to swarm. This has been going on for a number of years now, we are in a constant state of banana oversupply. I usually catch them at the overripe stage and turn them into banana cake/bread/muffins, or freeze them for baking later.

This recipe for banana and walnut muffins started as Tess Kiros' recipe for banana bread; I have altered it to suit me.

You will need...

3 large bananas, mashed
2 eggs, beaten
100g butter
1/4 cup olive oil
1/2 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
1 cup plain flour
1 cup wholemeal flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 warm milk (soy or rice milk work quite nicely)
1/2 cup walnuts (you can use any nut you like, or chocolate if you prefer)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon maple syrup (optional)


The how-to...

1. If you keep eggs in the fridge, take them out - when baking it is best to use eggs at room temperature. Preheat the oven to 180 degrees. Grab a magazine and a lemon Calippo, put on a hat and go bask in the sun for a half hour.
2. Cream the butter and sugar together using an electric beater. Whilst still beating, slowly pour in the oil.
3. Add the mashed bananas, beaten eggs, vanilla extract and/or maple syrup to the butter mixture, and whisk.
4. Sift in the flour with the baking powder and a pinch of salt.
5. Warm the milk and stir into it the baking soda. Once combined, tip this into the main mixture. Add the walnuts and stir the mixture until just combined.
6. Spoon into muffin/friand tin and cook for about 12-15 minutes (if you are making large muffins you will need longer, probably 20-25 minutes). They should be crisp and golden brown on top, and a clean knife/skewer pushed into the centre of the muffins should come out clean.

Enjoy - they are particularly good with butter when they have just come out of the oven.

Banana crisis averted.